Benny Hoh Blog

2009-12-16T16:36:00.000-05:00

IT HAPPENS

I just had a great idea...

2008-02-22T15:32:00.003-05:00

"I just had a great idea..." says college buddy.

College buddy is interrupted by, "If its an R2D2 kegorator I am way ahead of you."

Anyhoo... This R2D2 beer barrel reminded my of the inspiration behind Stella (Home made kegorator who sort of lives on.

Bad Marketing and PR tactics...Maybe. Still Brilliant? YOU BETCHA

2008-01-25T15:37:00.001-05:00

OK I know I am barely offering my own perspective here other than I think the following is hilariously brilliant and had to share the following from the Boston Herald:

KFC Super Bowl promo angers NFL

The National Football League is calling KFC's chicken dance challenge to Super Bowl players a "textbook case of ambush marketing 101." As part of a national promotion for its hot wings, the chicken chain will donate $260,000 to charity in the name of the first Patriots or Giants player who performs the "wing flapping" portion of the chicken dance for at least three seconds in the end zone during the championship game. The offer also applies to the first celebrity Super Bowl performer who does the cheesy wedding standard on stage.

State Troopers on Drinking and Driving

2007-12-19T17:32:00.000-05:00

Don't Drink and drive this holiday season and if you would like to and don't ordinarily receive the MerryBensAss newsletter please feel free to ask to receive by emailing me a bhohmann@gmail.com (Note: This is not my normal email so don't expect me to coorespond on it)

Post 300

2007-12-03T18:53:00.000-05:00

No it will be about the rare occasion that a moral stance is caught in a quandary. The moral stance I have is against throw back uniforms. I hate the idea of having throw back days especially to way back when nobody watching was alive for the sole purpose of selling merchandise. Its just plain slimy. That said; it is also the responsibility of a sport franchise to have a decent looking uniform. This must be harder that is seams. And I am not going to go on and on about the old Denver Nuggets uniforms or the Old Astro's uniforms. Those are things that we should have learned from.

Today we have a bunch of cyber crap. The Broncos have a cyber horse. The Blue Jays look just like the Devil Rays and it’s a cyber bird to boot. One approach is to do as the Diamondbacks did and get rid of your hideous mid 90's popular for reasons I don't know expansion team colors (Teals, purples, black etc...) and revert back to a nice red. Of course they look like several other teams now.

Long story short and if you made sense of any of the above blather (props to you sir) then you know that I really want to call out that I am proud that that Toronto Blue Jays will be sporting 80's and 90's throwback uniforms. I am happy because of how ugly their current uni's have become.

In other news the B-Train is blogging again so check it out.

Incoherently yours - Benny Hoh

J. Robert Cade, the Inventor of Gatorade, Dies at 80

2007-11-28T14:37:00.000-05:00

From the NY Times.

J. Robert Cade, the Inventor of Gatorade, Dies at 80
By DOUGLAS MARTIN

J. Robert Cade, a nephrologist who mixed water, sugar, salt and cunning dashes of whatever to invent Gatorade, of which 12 million bottles are guzzled daily by electrolyte-depleted athletes, post-operative patients and the simply thirsty, died yesterday in Gainesville, Fla. He was 80.

Stephen Orlando, a spokesman for the University of Florida, announced the death.

The sports and energy drink industry — led by Gatorade and worth more than $19 billion last year, according to a British study — began with a question asked in 1965 by Dwayne Douglas, a football coach at the University of Florida: Why didn’t his players urinate after a game?

Part of the answer came quickly: football players lost so much fluid in sweat in swamplike Florida that they had none left to form urine. It took longer to explain how the loss of fluid and electrolytes affected blood pressure, body temperature and the volume of blood.

In a subbasement, Dr. Cade and his researchers then concocted a drink to rehydrate athletes, and to replenish carbohydrates, in the form of the sugars sucrose and glucose, and electrolytes (sodium and potassium salts). There was one problem.

“It didn’t taste like Gatorade,” Dr. Cade said in an interview with Florida Trend in 1988. In fact, a football player who tried it and spat it out more than hinted that it tasted like bodily waste.

Being a student of kidneys and their bodily neighborhood, Dr. Cade did a taste test, comparing his still-unnamed concoction with that golden fluid. His new product was only marginally better. Dr. Cade’s wife, Mary, suggested adding lemon juice, which helped a lot. Jim Free, a research fellow, came up with the name Gatorade.

Florida first used the new product in a game against Louisiana State University in October 1965, in 102-degree heat. The L.S.U. Tigers wilted in the second half.

In 1967, when Florida beat Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl, Bud Carson, Tech’s coach, said his team lost because they did not have Gatorade.

By 1969, Hank Stram, coach of the Kansas City Chiefs, attributed his team’s Super Bowl title to Gatorade.

The stuff became a Super Bowl ritual in 1985 when New York Giants players dumped it on coach Bill Parcells after his team beat the Washington Redskins. Later, slick marketing gave Gatorade a lightning-bolt logo and a Michael Jordan endorsement.

Off the field, Dr. Cade faced more complicated challenges. When he first approached university officials about marketing the drink, they declined. So he sold the formula to Stokely-Van Camp. The deal gave him and his associates a cut of the royalties. A few years later, when these reached $200,000, Florida Trend said, the university noticed.

“They told me it belonged to them and all the royalties were theirs,” Dr. Cade said. “I told them to go to hell. So they sued us.”

After a 31-month legal battle, the parties settled. The product was later sold to Quaker Oats. which merged with Pepsico, and royalties continued to flow to Dr. Cade’s group and the university. He donated some of his to the university.

James Robert Cade was born in San Antonio on Sept. 26, 1927, and ran a 4:20 mile in high school. He graduated from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School and joined the University of Florida as an assistant professor in the medical college’s renal division in 1961. At his death, he was a professor emeritus of nephrology.

His other research interests included investigating a possible link between the inability to break down a specific milk protein and autism and schizophrenia. He collected Studebakers and violins, which he sometimes played with symphonies. . He also invented football gear and gadgets to help polio victims.

Dr. Cade is survived by his wife, the former Mary Strasburger; his sons Michael, of Texas, and Stephen, of Gainesville; his daughters, Martha Cade, of Gainesville; Celia Cade Johnson, of Oregon; Emily Morrison of Boston; and Phoebe Miles of Washington; 20 grandchildren; and 8 great-grandchildren.

Even if Gatorade was a brilliant idea at the right time, the same cannot be said of all Mr. Cade’s brainstorms, like his fruity, alcoholic Hop’n Gator, a 1970s invention.

Additional history on Gatorade may be found here

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T15:33:00.000-05:00

It's Nice To Be Read (or Red)

2007-10-26T17:57:00.001-05:00

Recently 2 BennyHoh blog readers have contacted me with links to articles/items that they felt might interest me. And they were correct.

The first oddly enough had to do with Irish Wiskey. Bushmills' Black Bush which was described as having a nose that is a "bit musty at first. Clears up for a slight pecan pie type of aroma."

The second link is to a crazy viking kittens sing a song in which I always thought they recorded Robert Plant after slamming his hand in a door. Anyway it was sent to me sort of as an omage to Magical Trevor.

That said; BennyHoh always loves links and submissions.

Western Dork?

2007-10-12T13:27:00.001-05:00

Are you a dork if you are obsessed with a fictional genre seen in film, television, radio, literature, painting and other visual arts... A genre devoted to telling stories set primarily in the later half of the 19th century in what became the Western United States (known as the American Old West or Wild West), but also in Western Canada and Mexico....a genre that often portrays how primitive and obsolete ways of life confronted modern technological or social changes. This may be depicted by showing conflict between natives and settlers or US cavalry, or by showing ranchers being threatened by the onset of the Industrial Revolution. This genre of the 1940s and 1950s emphasize the values of honor and sacrifice. Westerns from the 1960s and 1970s often have more pessimistic view, glorifying a rebellious anti-hero and highlighting the cynicism, brutality and inequality of the American West.

Short answer... you are only a Western Dork if you appreciate this clip of "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" played on Ukulele

Lego Beer Song

2007-09-25T15:08:00.001-05:00

In follow up to my recent post about DR Demento.... I had to include this video for all you dorks like me that discovered Beer a long time ago but discovered Legos even longer ago. That's right I said longer ago.

A Day of Remembrance

2007-09-21T18:36:00.001-05:00

So.. the BennyHoh blog has been silent for some time. We (yes the royal we) are trying to catch up with the latest tech gizmos... The YouTubes, The MySpaces and The facebooks. Somehow they all seem dorkier when you put "the" in front of them. Anywho... speaking of dorky... I wasn't quite around yet but 30 years ago today Fonzie jumped the shark... Although I did not see it air originally I recall seeing Fonzie jump the shark in re-runs... And it was then and there that I knew Chachi was the only good reason for watching Happy Days.

I'll be posting again soon.

Benny Out

Beer Innovation Gone Ary

2007-06-28T11:56:00.000-05:00

Innovation without boundaries can be a very dangerous thing. I say that having appreciated many a wacky idea.

However, as charming as a "Beer Shirt" may sound, this offering which I believe is targeted toward beer swilling guys has a few flaws that I feel compelled to call out.

1) By having 2 free hands, guys drinking beer will have twice as many opportunities to grab things they shouldn't. Some might say it increased the fun possibilities but really having at least one hand nestled around your beer is a safe and enjoyable practice.

2) Take a look at the design of the sweatshirt below. Clearly they are off on the demographic of the apparel. The guys I know who enjoy beer just so happen to have a beer gut which in turn would challenge the physics of the sweatshirt's capability to hold a bottle of beer in a accessible and non-spilling position.

What's A Tape Recorder

2007-06-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

My most recent encounter with a burrito had results that one might expect.... One might expect if you are not me. My stomach has a bit of a Peter Pan complex and refuses to accept that it is no longer laced with iron.

That said, as I lied awake last night I remember the days when I would stay up late listening to Dr. Demento while trying to record via my boom box tape recorder, my favorite bits. One of my all time favorites was a very very very early Beck song. Probably one that none of you have heard before. Anywho... I could not find just song so below is an interpretative youtube video it. It being the song "Satan Gave Me a Taco" which I was relating to last night.

Satan gave me a taco - Click here for more blooper videos

Great Gobs of Magic Nose Goblins

2007-06-01T16:37:00.000-05:00

No no... This post has nothing to do with your booger collection on the underside of your desk. But it could and it might.

The Hell you say...

Well I do say when I read about this man who makes a living off of building things out of Lego's.

My first instinct was to be accrimonious (that means bitter) or pissed.

But then I thought that is some strange way he reminded me of the Dude.

Daydreaming Again....

2007-05-18T17:43:00.000-05:00

and what a wonderful dream it was....

You Can Be Rich Too $$$

2007-05-09T19:27:00.000-05:00

All you have to do is charge $600,000 for people to eat brunch with you. It is a breakfast and dinner together I guess that IS worth something.

Follow up to yesterday's post

2007-05-02T18:35:00.000-05:00

No boobs this time but in this article about a man who dialed 911 repeatedly for shits and giggles the image shown shows a hand dialing the number 3.

Quick tell me the number for 911.

Oh Canada

2007-05-01T17:31:00.000-05:00

No this is not a Toronto Blue Jays post; although they do warrant mention due to their unparalleled awesomeness.

That said; this is a post about the news. In a time where we have blogs, e-zines, 24 hr news networks that sensationalize every bit of news like they are beating horse into the ground there is something to be said about this Canadian online posting of a story on Duke college kids cheating with a gratuitous boob shot that has absolutely nothing to do with the story.

What that thing said is may very depending on the audience :-)

What Would You Do For A Krispy Kreme Donut?

2007-04-23T11:56:00.000-05:00

As many Benny Hoh readers are aware, I am a huge proponent of Krispy Kreme. I am particularly a fan of the chocolate cake glazed donuts. I am also open it to innovation within the Krispy Kreme industry.

However, I do have my limitations as to what I might do for a Krispy Kreme donut and how good I think they really are. And yet others are willing to go further.

In a recent Augusta, Georgia TV news report, the new Krispy Kreme wheat donut was said to be so good you will suck @#&% for it.

Too each their own but I have a Krispy Kreme Donut club card and all I have to do is buy 5 dozen to get a dozen free.

GO GATORS AGAIN

2007-04-03T11:56:00.000-05:00

Here is my pal the Ohio State Fan.

Despite his smile I am sure he is quite sad right now after the Florida Gators dominated his Buckeyes for the second time in a second sport in just 3 months.

That said he was is a bracket pool where the winner wins beer from the Elizabeth Street Brewery.

My pal did not win. My Florida Alum dad did. However, my dad had offered to share it with my pal so that he has something to cry in.

A Man's Place

2007-03-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

After centuries of jealousy women will now be able to write their names in the snow too.

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Who Changed the World in the last 50 yrs?

2007-02-16T19:18:00.000-05:00

Well somewhere after Benny Hoh was the guy who invented the T.V. remote.

RIP T.V. Remote guy you certainly left your mark.
In other dead people news... Forgive me for being insensitive but am I the only one who things someone made about 2 bucks on a celebrity death pool game when Anna Nichole Smith passed?

Greatest Headline Ever

2007-02-14T18:35:00.000-05:00

Your future is in your hand,' says talking urinal

Thats right according to The Register the Wizmark featured below lets you know you might be too drunk to drive.

Benny Hoh says the Wizmark is simply brilliant!... And interactive too.

The British

2007-02-13T17:44:00.000-05:00

We may have kicked there tea toating behinds in the revolutionary war, saved their strumpet eating wrong side of the road driving asses in Dubaya Dubaya 2.... And most of us haven't been even closely rewarded by ever seeing the Queen in her damned undies but paint me green and call me gumby if the British aren't more socially advanced.

Viagra sold over counter in UK on Valentine's Day THIS MAY QUALIFY AS A PSA FOR SOME :-)

Who On Earth

2007-01-31T19:06:00.000-05:00

I have found myself in many an odd situation post defecation; many of which have been recounted on this vary blog.

But I have never volunteered to use just one ply of toilet paper nor shall I ever. Poopy hands make for poopy friends.

In related news the Super Bowl is actually a giant toilet bowl... so much so the city of Miami is asking residents to watch their toilet use and use only one ply of toilet paper... particularly during the halftime flush.

Time for Ranting Incoherent Babble

2007-01-29T20:03:00.000-05:00

But first... Here is 2006 list of the greatest public places to drop a deuce on the biggens. I am not sure if its considered a public place but the 2007 nominations are out and I fully intend on putting down the School of Management at Boston University.... That place is swank.

In well Duh news... I have a watch that I have had for over 20 years. It still resides in my night stand where I grew up. This watch was a Casio. It stood up where I could not. 19 broken bones on me and a few scratches on it. And yet.... Man can't invent a rugged cell phone...? "Hallamajarky!" I say. And I say correctly for Casio has introduces a water resistant cell phone.

Shame on you 80's movies for steriotyping casio as a cheap watch provider.

Thousands of People Live In Pee Pee

2007-01-18T20:32:00.000-05:00

Hee Hee about the Pee Pee. It just isn't Ohio's Month. According to Wikipedia as of the 2000 census, 7,776 people lived in 3,722 homes in Pee Pee.

GO GATORS (People I Know)

2007-01-10T14:15:00.000-05:00

This is my pal and Ohio State fan post 2006 BCS Championship Game.

Betting is fun.... With any luck I will have this pic posted to my blog template for the year.

Hero

2007-01-05T19:02:00.000-05:00

Sometimes there's a man... And no I am not talking about the Lewbowski... I wish I was but I am also proud of our good and strange friend Mr. Rogers.

Today the content rights of music and video are still debated but back in the day of Beta Max Mr. Rogers went all the way to the Supreme Court.

It was During the controversy surrounding the introduction of the household VCR, Rogers was involved in supporting the manufacturers of VCRs in court. His 1979 testimony in the case Sony Corp. of America v. Universal City Studios, Inc. noted that he did not object to home recording of his television programs, for instance, by families in order to watch together at a later time. This testimony contrasted with the views of others in the television industry who objected to home recording or believed that devices to facilitate it should be taxed or regulated.The Supreme Court considered the testimony of Rogers in its decision that held that the Betamax video recorder did not infringe copyright. The Court stated that his views were a notable piece of evidence "that many [television] producers are willing to allow private time-shifting to continue."

Its great to your neighbor - EOM

Commi Bastards

2006-12-18T19:35:00.000-05:00

I have regaled many of you with tales of Russian spy ships off the coast of Fort Lauderdale. These tales may have created or increase suspicions about how and why I would know such information. So without further adue, I would like to for the record let each and every one of you know that I am not a Russian spy.

In other news, if you do not already subscribe are interested in receiving a copy of this year's Benny Hoh newsletter, please email bhohmann@gmail.com with "Newsletter" in the subject line. Note: For this is not the email I use for everyday correspondence.

PSA

2006-12-13T19:50:00.000-05:00

Penicillin makes one's pee smell rank.

P.S. According to this site and via my own extrapalation, if you have strep I could cure you with my pee.

I think this falls in the C&C Music factory category of "Things that make you go hmmm"

Holiday Season Yummies

2006-12-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

Gluttony is my favorite part of the holidays. Many of you have heard the tails I have weaved regarding my deep fried twinkie adventures and I would like to make an addendum for you all.

What do deep fried twinkies have to do with the holidays? you ask.

Nothing really but I figured if one is going to be gluttoness during the holidays than why not go all out. So... that being said I wanted to share with you some savory deep fried recipes that not only will ensure that what ever they touch becomes greasily transparent but also removes the "Savory vs. Sweet" debate you may often encounter as I do when it comes to what to eat.

Deep Fried Yummies Below:

Savory

Sweet

Super What?

2006-11-29T14:37:00.000-05:00

Super cool is someone who gives you a Batman belt buckle for your birthday.

In the news: Power Rangers although an clear rip off of Voltron have served a purposes and led to a wee little kid fending off a couple of armed robbers.

In other news: Durham North Carolina is apparently easy pickens for robbers unafraid of 5 yr old Power Rangers.

Lion Robot's With People Inside Can Save The Universe

2006-11-07T19:39:00.000-05:00

There I said it! We were all thinking it but I said it.

I was going to include a cartoon photo but damn that was an awesome toy. The above was the dicast metal version. There was another version (plastic) included weapons and action figures that fit inside the individual lions but mine could fly higher and packed a wallop when you threw it. (Take that Big D).

More info on this amazing series include the one that involved cars and the one that I don't recal but involved the elements of earth or something may be found here.

Anyway... What inspired this is a link definitely worth clicking. 8 very important lessons you can learn from 80's cartoons.

Pumkins Are Not Like People

2006-10-30T16:38:00.001-05:00

How do you get your pumpkin to last longer? More lube of course. That and 4 other less humours reasons.

Happy Halloween!

Can You Pee In The Dark?

2006-10-12T16:27:00.000-05:00

Well you can now.... Other than the fact that Johnny Light makes it look like you are peeing into something from Ghostbusters, (Yes I have seen that guy in my toilet before) I think the commercial does it better justice that the Benny Hoh Blog can.

You Can Win All You're Stupid Arguments Too

2006-09-29T13:05:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have been wondering why I have been lagging on my blog posts.... Well its because I have been in training.

Thats right the World Rock Paper Scissors Champoinships. I did not qualify this year but am training dilligently for next year. Fortunately I have discovered a fool proof method beyond punching your competitor in the head (Illeagal by the way) of how to beat anyone at Rock Paper Scissors.

How to beat anyone at Rock Paper Scissors

With the 2006 World Rock Paper Scissors Championships coming up in November in Toronto and $10,000.00 on the line (not to mention bragging rights of being able to call yourself "World Champion of RPS"), trying to get some sort of edge on your competition is becoming a focal point for a lot of players.

Little bit of background. Contrary to what you might think RPS is not simply a game of luck or chance. While it is true that from a mathematical perspective the 'optimum' strategy is to play randomly, it still is not a winning strategy for two reasons. First, 'optimum' in this case means you should win, lose and draw an equal number of times (hardly a winning strategy over the long term). Second, Humans, try as they might, are terrible at trying to be random, in fact often humans in trying to approximate randomness become quite predictable. So knowing that there is always something motivating your opponent's actions, there are a couple of tricks and techniques that you can use to tip the balance in your favour.

The secret to winning at RPS

Basically, there are two ways to win at RPS. First is to take one throw away from your opponent options. ie - If you can get your opponent to not play rock, then you can safely go with scissors as it will win against paper and stalemate against itself. Seems impossible right? Not if you know the subtle ways you can manipulate someone. The art is to not let them know you are eliminating one of their options. The second way is to force you opponent into making a predictable move. Obviously, the key is that it has to be done without them realizing that you are manipulating them.

Most of the following techniques use variations on these basic principles. How well it works for you depends upon how well you can subtly manipulate your opponent without them figuring out what you are doing. So, now that the background is out of the way, let's get into these techniques:

1 - Rock is for Rookies

In RPS circles a common mantra is "Rock is for Rookies" because males have a tendency to lead with Rock on their opening throw. It has a lot to do with idea that Rock is perceived as "strong" and forceful", so guys tend to fall back on it. Use this knowledge to take an easy first win by playing Paper. This tactic is best done in pedestrian matches against someone who doesn't play that much and generally won't work in tournament play.

2 - Scissors on First

The second step in the 'Rock is for Rookies' line of thinking is to play scissors as your opening move against a more experienced player. Since you know they won't come out with rock (since it is too obvious), scissors is your obvious safe move to win against paper or stalemate to itself.

3 - The Double Run

When playing with someone who is not experienced at the RPS, look out for double runs or in other words, the same throw twice. When this happens you can safely eliminate that throw and guarantee yourself at worst a stalemate in the next game. So, when you see a two-Scissor run, you know their next move will be Rock or Paper, so Paper is your best move. Why does this work? People hate being predictable and the perceived hallmark of predictability is to come out with the same throw three times in row.

4 - Telegraph Your Throw

Tell your opponent what you are going to throw and then actually throw what you said. Why? As long as you are not playing someone who actually thinks you are bold enough to telegraph your throw and then actually deliver it, you can eliminate the throw that beats the throw you are telegraphing. So, if you announce rock, your opponent won't play paper which means coming out with that scissors will give you at worst a stalemate and at best the win.

5 - Step Ahead Thinking

Don't know what to do for your next throw? Try playing the throw that would have lost to your opponents last throw? Sounds weird but it works more often than not, why? Inexperienced (or flustered) players will often subconsciously deliver the throw that beat their last one. Therefore, if your opponent played paper, they will very often play Scissors, so you go Rock. This is a good tactic in a stalemate situation or when your opponent lost their last game. It is not as successful after a player has won the last game as they are generally in a more confident state of mind which causes them to be more active in choosing their next throw.

6 - Suggest A Throw

When playing against someone who asks you to remind them about the rules, take the opportunity to subtly "suggest a throw" as you explain to them by physically showing them the throw you want them to play. ie "Paper beats Rock, Rock beats scissors (show scissors), Scissors (show scissors again) beats paper." Believe it or not, when people are not paying attention their subconscious mind will often accept your "suggestion". A very similar technique is used by magicians to get someone to take a specific card from the deck.

7 - When All Else Fails Go With Paper

Haven't a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don't know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all.

8 - The Rounder's Ploy

This technique falls into more of a 'cheating' category, but if you have no honour and can live with yourself the next day, you can use it to get an edge. The way it works is when you suggest a game with someone, make no mention of the number of rounds you are going to play. Play the first match and if you win, take it is as a win. If you lose, without missing a beat start playing the 'next' round on the assumption that it was a best 2 out of 3. No doubt you will hear protests from your opponent but stay firm and remind them that 'no one plays best of one for a kind of decision that you two are making'. No this devious technique won't guarantee you the win, but it will give you a chance to battle back to even and start again.

Whatever Happen To

2006-09-28T18:01:00.000-05:00

I am as big of a fan of the A-Team, Knight Rider and McGuyver as the next guy but they have become hip to like or say that you liked etc.. leading to fabulous re-runs primarly on t.v. channels such as Spike and TVLand.

BUTT!

What ever happened to Simon and Simon? It had the buddy detective thing, a cool truck and a theme song that went like this.... (If you are reading feel free to sing out loud)
Here are the lyrics:

You and I know the meaning of amigo,
We're not alike, yet everybody we know
knows we're more than brothers,
we're best of friends.
We may not look, or think like one another,
And there were times, when we have hurt each other,
Still we're more than brothers,
We're best of friends.

Just Plain Funny

2006-09-22T16:56:00.000-05:00

Sesame Street lets go of its 'top gun'

By Eric Heyl
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, September 22, 2006

Weary of his increasingly erratic behavior, Sesame Street producers will not extend the contract of the program's most popular muppet.

Gary Knell, CEO of Sesame Workshop, the parent company of the popular PBS program, told The Wall Street Journal yesterday that he is severing ties with Elmo.

"As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal," Knell said. "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Sesame Street."

Knell would not elaborate. But those close to the show indicated PBS had grown increasingly irritated over Elmo's public embrace of Scientology.

Nor was the network happy when Elmo, in an interview with NBC's Matt Lauer, launched a blistering attack on the use of antidepressants to combat postpartum depression.

The final straw, industry sources said, was Elmo signing off on his spastic new likeness, TMX Elmo, which was unveiled Tuesday.

Parodying the panic-stricken movements of a typical choking victim, the latest Elmo doll doubles over, falls on its back and kicks its legs before finally rising -- cackling hysterically all the while.

"It completely undignified. It unbecoming of muppet who supposedly has intellectual acuity of 3-year-old," said a source close to Sesame Street who is not the Cookie Monster.

To Sesame Street and PBS executives, the doll also rekindled disturbing memories of Elmo's controversial appearance last year on "Oprah." The doll behaves much as Elmo did on the talk show when he passionately and clumsily declared his love for his onscreen romantic interest, the furry orange creature Zoe.

The couple since have spawned a young daughter, Silli, while denying persistent rumors that the child's father actually is the lovable blue muppet Grover.

The powerful Creative Artists Agency, which represents Elmo and many of Hollywood's other A-list stars, termed the firing "graceless and uncouth."

"This is no way to treat an artist," a CAA release stated. "This unconscionable action will cause brightly colored and highly marketable children's puppets everywhere to question whether they would want to work for an outfit that does this to its greatest asset."

Producers reportedly are involved in serious negotiations with Brad Pitt to replace Elmo in the upcoming sequel to the hit film "Elmo in Grouchland." The anticipated action blockbuster's working title is "Return to Grouchland: Oscar's Days of Rage."

Its Only Detroit But...

2006-09-13T18:21:00.000-05:00

Did you know the U.S. gave Saddam Hussein the key to Detroit.

1. I wonder if he still has it.

2. Has Detroit changed its locks?

3. Would Detroit really be worse off being run by Saddam?

Sometimes There's A Man

2006-09-12T13:16:00.000-05:00

A way down under there was a fella, a fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Steve Irwin. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Irwin, he called himself the Crocodile Hunter.

Now, Crocodile Hunter, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Crocodile Hunter that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the places' and his adventures durned innarestin'.

They call Australia the Outback. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing the Crocodile Hunter and his there stories unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me.

Now his stories that unfolded on TV began back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man.

And I'm talkin' about the Crocodile Hunter here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Crocodile Hunter, in Australia.

R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter

I'll be back soon.

2006-09-11T12:50:00.000-05:00

But today isn't the day for scatalogical humor

People I Know

2006-08-22T16:47:00.000-05:00

I know a man who has been referred to as "a man with dreams. Certain goals he shall attain or die trying. He is best known for his uncanny moves on the floor of dance where he makes women and gaymien alike swoon. He has also co-opted both the shoulder brush and the phrase "watch yourself" to the point where they are now his calling cards."

In other news: I learned today that 2 minutes is a bit long to have you instant oatmeal in your freshly cleaned microwave. KABLOWIE

PSA

2006-08-07T16:09:00.000-05:00

How to open a beer bottle with an ordinary 8.5 x 11 piece of paper.

Castro Is Dead!

2006-08-02T13:46:00.000-05:00

At least that's what I said when I got food poisoning from a Cuban sandwich.

In other abuse your insides with food news: For those of you who subscribe to the Benny Hoh newsletter you may recall a line item about my experience at SpokeyWorld with a deep fried twinky. Well hear me now (or read me as the case may be) I shall be attending the Orange county fair next year to try a Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich.

A special Benny Hoh Train Whistle goes out to a man known as Moesch who made me aware of the above concoction.

Ever Go To The Bathroom and Say "Something Smells Fishy?

2006-07-28T18:15:00.000-05:00

Clearly the very beautiful and sweet woman who sent me this knows me well:

All your questions about fish security etc and exhilarating tidal joy.. may be found here.

Avian Excrement Games

2006-07-25T12:14:00.000-05:00

If you get cheated in a game of Chicken Poop Bingo do you cry FOWL? And do you yell bingo or poop if you win. I think I would yell poop.

Anywho the most interesting thing about this game is that the people wanted to play cow pie bingo but opted for a smaller version.

In I don't care if Hollywood maybe out of ideas news: Fart Jokes will never get old. hee hee hee Toot hee hee hee.

I'm Just Saying

2006-07-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

If you name your Bolivian squirrel monkey "Sponge Bob"... He is bound to have some wacky adventures.
WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?

The News

2006-07-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

So yeah... how is this different than IE or Mozilla etc...

Recent studies have led to the "reasons why natural breasts are cooler than fake ones" to include brain power.

In hard to believe non-breast related news: Happiness comes from America.

And... lastly a goofy looking guy who has utilized his artistic talent on his dirty car:

People I Know

2006-07-10T19:41:00.000-05:00

I know a man who insisted everything tasted better with bacon. I was prone to agree until a roommate of mine suggested ice-cream.... Another Benny Hoh favorite. The suggestion caused me pause. I have yet to taste such a concoction partially out of laziness and partially out of fear but I came across this recipe and thought of my old buddy and couldn't help but wonder if he was somehow behind this or if he is suffering at all from a heart condition by now.

Jesus

2006-06-27T19:21:00.000-05:00

I tend to avoid entering into the vast stupidity of religious discussions as I am not really practicing in any of them. However I saw new about Jesus and although I am no more or less of a believer than I was before but I now more than ever wouldn't mind grabbing a beer with him. After all Jesus loves pornstars.

Some Things Don't Really Change

2006-06-26T19:18:00.000-05:00

When we are little we one of the key things to learn is how things fit.

When we are grown up the same lessons exist. Especially when it comes to how they get all that beer into all those pubs.

Chuck E Cheese

2006-06-20T18:30:00.000-05:00

And the question of the day is... Has Chuck E Cheese ever been shut down by the health inspector for mouse droppings. The answer is yes.

In response to the Shaggin Wagon post: The spellings were my attempts at different van driver dialects. And yes its the Never Ending Story; hence my little play on words in the post.

Should I Own A Van/ShagenWagon

2006-06-19T18:48:00.000-05:00

It a debate almost as old as motorized vehicles themselves. "Do I want to own a shagonWagon?" On the one hand it looks really cool but also happens to ride that "You're a big tool" line. Well my friends if this does not answer that never ending story, I don't know what will.

You Know You Have Been In Vegas Too Long When...

2006-06-15T14:18:00.000-05:00

Your pooh begins to smell like an ashtray and you don't even find the two giggeling old ladies who are playing fart tennis next to you on your return flt funny.... (Explosive diareha soon occured with the elderly woman directly next to me)

I Miss Nixon

2006-06-07T11:38:00.000-05:00

In follow up to my recent post about one of my favorite bumper stickers "I Miss Nixon"... The Huffington post reports that Nixon once said, "I often thought, if I'd been born at another time, I just might be a rapper."

In Legal news: finally the judicial system has decided to remove the complexity of things and reform to a as far as I know pre-Greek if not caveman system of "Rock, Paper Scissors" to decide things. (True Stroy.. Happened in Florida)

"Cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women," said Britain's oldest man for why he has lasted so long.

Hooray Doughnuts!

2006-06-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

In case you are naive and did not know or had no intention of celebrating but the first weekend in June marks National Doughnut Day. I know I had my fair share today.

In doughnut related humor: Why did the man close the doughnut store?
He was tired of the Hole business.

In baseball news: I was recently discussion with a friend how The New York Yankees have recently signed Danny Almonte who was the little leaguer who lied about his age to participate in the little league world series. We also noted that the Baltimore Orioles intend on drafting Jeffrey Maier who was the twerp that made a Derek Jeter double at most if not an out in the 96 playoffs into a homerun... leading the way to Yankees first World Series in many years.

That being said I expect a certain half blind 27 year old with limited little league experience to get drafted in the near future. 27 is a baseball players prime, he'd never be distracted by crowds on his right and the draft is so long some team is bound to lose focus (pun intended) and draft him.

Combat

2006-06-01T11:40:00.000-05:00

Hooray Wiki Pedia... If not for the interweb and this dorky research tool how else could one spread the word about LightSaber combat.

In Best Quote Ever News: "I believe that like sunshine and great sex, no day is bad that has barbecue in it."

In humdinger of a question that will get you in trouble and confuse you.... Are women smarter? They happen to have a noticeable affinity towards chocolate which recent studies suggest increases intelligence or do they just have boobs and know how to use them such as this 20 yr old who got beer.

Emmmm Donuts

2006-05-25T08:17:00.000-05:00

As I waited alone for the 3 dozen donuts I ordered at Krispy Kreame to bring into work this morning the woman waiting on me asked me it my order was for "here or to go" After some unknown duration of time I heard the words "Sir... Sir.. Sir.." And my day dream of 3 dozen donuts for here was dashed and I was slammed back into reality like a watermelon hitting a swimming pool. Oh well, it was the first time in a long time that someone called me sir without then saying, "you are making a scene."

In other food related news: Scientists are developing Super Broccoli! Much to my dismay there are no capes or superpowers involved. Not to worry we can still follow the adventures of one of my favorites: Super pickle.

Digitally Advocated and Socially Mediaized

2006-05-24T13:13:00.000-05:00

Recently (May 10th) I posted about the irony of certain air purifiers causing smog. Well some PR hack, not unlike myself, posted a comment on this highly respectable blog to notify me about the article I linked to being corrected and that Ionic air purifiers do not cause harmful amounts of smog.

Soooo the irony today is ... I sometimes do what this guy did and it makes me sad. However, I do like to think I try to contact a bit more industry based blogs. Anywho it was neat to be contacted not by a spammer.

In today's Ironic news: A man was arrested for stealing an artificial vagina. He will now likely become one in prison.

In I miss home news: Boy oh boy do I see this catching on at the Columbia County Fair this year.

World News

2006-05-18T14:45:00.000-05:00

The King of Nepal is going to give up his power to the parliment. But will he give up his funk?

In other news: Science suggest it isn't all that hard to get with the ladies. (Stupid science)

Optical Illusions Are Cool

2006-05-15T12:23:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered if you are missing something when you look at it. What if what we see could easily be changed like this This.

I AM BATMAN

2006-05-11T18:25:00.000-05:00

Does anybody know how to sew? Because I have underwear! How to make a wallet out of batman underwear:

Instrumentals

2006-05-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

Today's post is brought to you by the Chrissy B Train. He has been calling attention to the fact that there are no where near enough instrumentals these days. Turn up the speakers folks and give a listen.... I think he might be on to something.

In Ironic news: Air purifier causes smog. (Stupid LA)

In other news... Why are we always so concerned about curing cancer in mice. Won't someone think of the humans.

Inspired To Cut Back The Beef

2006-05-09T17:03:00.000-05:00

Perhaps my favorite bumper stickers reads "I Love Animals Because They Taste Good" A close second is "I Miss Nixon"

However recently my meat eating ways have been called into question. I do live in California. Anyway I do not intend on giving up on meat, the man upstairs gave me eye teeth and certain enzymes for a reason, but I might consider cutting back on the beef after this educational clip.

Emmmmm Overload

2006-05-08T17:35:00.000-05:00

Were any of you aware of this yummy goodness.

Me neither. Come on folks.. Throw me a bone every now and again.

Just Cool

2006-05-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

More can be found here

And does anybody know if St. Petersburg FL still holds the record for largest sand castle ever?

How To Create World Peace Idea Number Deuce

2006-05-04T10:15:00.000-05:00

We have sold most of our enemies arms before they were our enemies. Hence at the end of the day we are usually fighting ourselves. So the next time we are selling arms to a fish nation lets sell them some of these that way when we go to war with them with will be a soft and cuddly occasion.

If you don't recall idea number one it was to somehow get all the armies to march around in women's underwear. That way they would be too damned happy to shoot anybody.

Not Just The Days That End In Y

2006-05-03T08:59:00.000-05:00

When invited to a some sort of social even I often inquire as to whether or not I have to wear pants in the hope that some day the response will be no. Well my readership Friday is my and all of ours day. Friday is International No Pants Day. So please stand with me and drop trow.

In Seasame Street news: V for Vandetta has nothing on C is for Cookie (Hilarious)

Beer Bellies

2006-05-02T14:43:00.000-05:00

Well Duh. They finally did it. In what is so simple its brilliant a removable beer belly has been invents so that one can stealthly sneak beer into any event. Learn more on CNN.

As long as we are solving problems that should seem obvious. I will dare take on the girl speak to english debate. After women have often told me that I should know what they mean.

Here are some suggested (not mine.. I don't want to get in trouble) translations:

She says                               English
---------                              -------
We need                                I want
It's your decision                     The correct decision should be
                                        obvious by now
Do what you want                       You'll pay for this later
We need to talk                        I need to complain
Sure...go ahead                        I don't want you to.
I'm not upset                          Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly                      You need a shave and you sweat
                                        a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight.    Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional!  And I'm not        I have PMS.
 overreacting!
Be romantic, turn out the lights.      I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient.       I want a new house.
I want new curtains                    and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper...
Hang the picture there                 No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise                        I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?                        I'm going to ask for something
                                        expensive.
How much do you love me?               I did something today you're
                                        really not going to like...
I'll be ready in a minute.             Kick off your shoes and find a
                                        good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat?                        Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate.      Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!?              [Too late, your dead.]
Yes                                    No
No                                     No
Maybe                                  No
I'm sorry.                             You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe?               It's easy to fix, so you'd
                                        better get get used to it.
I'm not yelling!                       Yes I am yelling because I
                                        think this is important.

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The same old thing.                    Nothing.
Nothing.                               Everything.
Everything.                            My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really.                       It's just that you're such a jerk.
I don't want to talk about it.         Go away, I'm still building up
                                        evidence against you.

A Pretty Cool Job

2006-04-27T16:16:00.000-05:00

Imagine if you will, a job where you made new discoveries every day, got to destroy the things you did no want, got to drive a cool ass vehicle, got to throw things around, got to have kids with big wheels idolize you and got to dress like a ghost buster. You would be a garbage man. So here is to the garbage man.

Your job is way cooler than it is given credit for.

In argue with this if you want to be nice to your girlfriend news: The sexiest woman in the world was announced.

In related news: Scientist are looking into how to prevent cows asses from stinking. One can only hope for human trials.

Tom Who?

2006-04-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

Some of you readers find the hijinx of this blog quite entertaining. And perhaps you recall the post I had about a man who legally changed his name to "They." Well... this dumbass has inspired my to consider changing my name to Tom Foolery. Check back soon for updates.

Speaking of old posts I still want my damn hovercraft which was promised to me by 1997. Anyway.. here are 11 reasons why having one would be cool.

In Technology News: The latest cold can for beer is being pushed by Miller. Now we can drink beer that tastes like cold piss. Yaaah. In additional tech news, hamburgers are only getting better.

Stoners and Hippies

2006-04-20T17:02:00.000-05:00

To all you stoners and hippies our there.... Happy 4/20! And for when you get the munchies.

To Everybdoy and anybody... Happy High 5 day. (high? 5)

Cheesy Popcorn

2006-04-18T13:47:00.000-05:00

When it comes to cheesy popcorn... I say the cheaper the better. I have tried the pre-popped stuff in a bag and I love it. I have tried PopSecret microwave cheesy popcorn and I love it. I have put cheesy goodness on regular popcorn that I have popped for myself, and I love it. BUTT Jolly Time Popcorn Big Cheez popcorn is handsdown the best cheesy popcorn out there. Unfortunately it is a bit hard to find which is why I encourage all of you to go out and find it. Its simple economics... As much popcorn as I eat apparently has not created a great enough demand to have more market shelves stocked with.... So please help me with my cheez!

IN IMPORTANT NEWS: Benny Hoh has entered the podcast world as a guest on the ESB Pubcast. The pubcast can currently be found at the ESB blog. You can learn about various beers the ongoing of brewing and the finest little pub and brewery in San Francisco The Elizabeth Street Brewery.... Oh yeah check out the Hohmann Moment too :-)

To My College Swim Friends:

2006-04-14T14:09:00.000-05:00

I don't care what you say. If kept within reason... This kind of stuff was effing fun. However, thank goodness the interweb was a little earlier in its development back then and my photos aren't out there.

In other news: Scientist are developing real life tractor beams. Comment: About time. I am sick of trying to harness my chi and/or psycokenetic powers.

Happy Easter

I've Got My Mit

2006-04-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

So I will probably catch some shit for this from one direction or another but it has rained here in Cali for about 3 months straight. Having moved from Beantown, 3 months of rain was no big deal. Butt then I thought, "I MOVED TO SUNNY CALIFORNIA DAMN IT!" And I was displease. However, low and behold today it is gorgeous in Palo Alto. In fact if the atmosphere today was a woman I would probably want to have sex with her.

Speaking of Boston, which is notorious for its driving conditions. The city has gone to great length to create giant leaky tunnels to alleviate poor traffic conditions. The lastest idea it so put one ton peach in the middle of an intersection. As always the BennyHoh blog will monitor the results.

In Darwin Award news: Boy steals gas from firetruck, Boy spills gas on self, boy uses lighter to see how much he has spilt, boy lites self on fire, boy gets caught stealing gas.

In protest news: College girls are running around nude to protest... I'm sorry I lost my train of thought.

Great Gobbs of Easter

2006-04-12T12:18:00.000-05:00

In an idea that I never got around to trying. Perhaps because I forgot and perhaps my feelings that perhaps trying is the first step towards failure are finally taking root, but imagine if you will, a chocolate cake made with Cadbury eggs rather than real eggs. AWESOME you say. Well here is the step by step process and surprising results.

In the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Fire Arms (ATF) News: We no longer need to be concerned about Ninja attacks. For real.

And finally... Damit I don't care if I am still jealous of another man's toy collection. This is really cool. Except I must admit I prefer matchbox cars.

The Good Ol Days

2006-04-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

Many look back at college as the good ol days. Not me. For me it was middle school. That was a sociopathic time for most of us. Not giving a poop was great. Sometimes you got in a lot of trouble but for the most part you got away with a lot of really bad stuff that when your morals kicked in later in life you would never even consider doing... And that is why I kind solute this group of middle schoolers who went for joy rides in front-end loaders around a junk yard.

Speaking of youth... Given this is some sort of yuppie contraption, but damn its a cool tree fort.

In combining vices news: I recently posted about making your own Guinness ice cream... well now Ben & Jerry's is making Black and Tan ice cream. emmmmm beer and ice cream.

Grudge Be Gone!

2006-04-05T12:33:00.000-05:00

For many years I have been acrimonious towards the Kraft food company. And no its not because they are a subsidiary of a tobacco company. It was because they continually pass me over for wiener mobile driver despite for real excellent qualifications. However, Kraft has taken the first step in redeeming itself with its latest invention that will surely keep us years ahead of any foreign treat maker. That's right... the long awaited elongated OREO for dipping has become a reality.

In Hugs not Drugs news: WTF is the world coming to.

In I think I may know this guy news: Man takes dump outside hall of justice.

Follow Up Story: Potty follow up story

Potty

2006-04-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

I think today is as good as any to recognize the history of the flush toilet. We have all sorts of gadgets these days but it was the marvels such as flush toilets that are true engineering genius. The mathematical equation to determine the appropriate water to rim level alone boggles the mind. After all the plop and cold water spash up into one's bum ranks down there with the disappointment you receive in checking a losing mega millions lotto ticket before going to work.

In Well Duh news: Having nothing better to research, a recent study has determined that doing it for real is more satisfying than playing one hander commander.

India news: Apparently you can not advertise alcohol... So this billionaire bought an airline and named it after his booze brand. BRILLIANT.

In other news: You have to advertise alcohol

Beer vs. Cooking update

2006-04-03T17:57:00.000-05:00

According to Wired, the 10th greatest Interweb (Yes its still on computers these days) Spoof was:

"10. Neiman Marcus cookie recipe: This was an e-mail circulated in the early '90s claiming that a woman ended up having to pay $250 for a sweet Neiman Marcus treasure. She decided to take revenge by circulating the cookie recipe across the internet. It's posted on the Neiman Marcus website now. The recipe is really good. As far as I know, anyhow. I'm sure as hell not planning on making them. Takes up valuable beer room in the tummy."

The rest of the list can found here.

Maybe its just strange to me but I guess a lot of people must do it at one time or another during thier lives and just don't admitt it. Dump some urine on the side of the highway.

What Would Make You More Surly Then A Crocodile

2006-03-29T14:07:00.000-05:00

Recently while Steve Irwin likely was off duty, thieves attempted to steal a crocodile which they intended to trade for drugs. Before settling on the croc they attempted to steal a Koala but the cute and cuddly guy scratched the bajesus out the prospective thieves. I think this theory lends credence to an earlier post I had regarding how baby koalas feed from their mom's anus'. If that's how I ate, I do believe I might be a little surly too.

In false advertising news: Get paid $600 a day to get high and change litebulb is not quite the job I thought it would be.

Beer Is Good For You

2006-03-28T14:39:00.000-05:00

A wise man once said, "A woman is more like a beer. They look good, they small good, and you'd stop over your own mother just to get one!" This man was in essance touching on the subject of the pendulum of beer. Is it good or bad for your. Well folks... that latest swing of the pendulum is that it is good for you. At least according to the Czech's who have opened a beer spa. As per usually I am doing my own research on the benefits of beer.

In other news: How come Sharon Stone never spoke up when I was 13?

Sociolowhat

2006-03-27T17:02:00.000-05:00

Isn't it odd that behind a ton of steal and some window we can be the biggest pricks in the world. Cursing other drivers cutting them off and feeling down right hatred for them. Where as if you are walking along and someone cuts infront of you accidentaly or you something of a similar nature more often than not unless it was a blatantly rude action we keep our mouths shut. Just one of those things I guess. Most people will hold a door open for a stranger but fight to get ahead a spot while in a car. Hooray sociology.

In he actually deserved to get hit in the groin news. Abducted girl and now one of my heroes nails skeeze ball(s) in the junk with a hammer to escape.

In other groin stirring news: Apparently nude pics of Britney have surfaced. And it seems like they may be from when she was still hot.

And lastly.... in Hooray Beer News: There is now a self cooling beer can. I find it my duty to purchase and research this product on behalf of my loyal readership.

Sorry for the infrequent posts: Cheers Benny Hoh

Are Farts Lumpy?

2006-03-21T12:15:00.000-05:00

A young man once asked that question. And the answer he received was shitty, however amusing. Here is to you Little Johnny.

In I still intend to make laziness a recognized disease when I get off my ass to do something about it news: Here is a PSA on helper monkeys and how to get one.

And of course apologies to all for I have been long over due in my shout out to alcohol. Sure it has some horrible recourses for those who develop a problem however there are those countless people who would have never gotten any without it.

FYI: Movie Trivia will return in a new format shortly.

What The?

2006-03-17T17:34:00.000-05:00

In other news... Those God Damn Swedes are at it again. Rumor has it they are developing the worlds largest telescope and now that want to take over the Moon.

Well I'll be damned it that is ever going to happen and am calling for a secrete weapon.

Faster Than A Speeding Cookie

2006-03-14T18:13:00.000-05:00

Soo it has come to my attention, and if I looked into it further I would bore myself to death but apparently one can measure the speed of light with chocolate chip cookies. My only guess is that there is some sort of equation that has to do with how quickly I go through a box of chip a hoy vs. the 88 MPG a Delorean has to go in order to travel through time.

Anywho... In I wouldn't want to be fixed either news: The latest dog condoms have been recalled. I have some many opposable thumb questions here but I shall refrain.

Today's Movie Quote: "What did Manny Vasquez call you?"
"Bitch" mostly, but he meant it affectionately."

Garnering Support

2006-03-13T16:54:00.000-05:00

To all my recent critics who have called out my inactivity... Believe it or not I work for a living. I know. I find it troubling as well. That being said.. I refer you to my February 10th post (Just a dollar a day) Other ideas are welcome for supporting the blog but that is the best/most beneficial one for me which I have come up with.

In a shout out to a person I know who is an avid cyclist: If I ever see you do this, you are dead to me.

In Hooty McBoob news: The Navy will no longer allow tattoos of naked women on it seamen.

If you thought that sounded dirty.. check this headline.

And lastly in things that don't nearly happen enought news. Good beer flowed from a water tap. One must wonder if Coors Lite was flowing from the beer tap.

Today's Quote: "Maybe we should go to college, wear jeans and stop putting gel in our hair!"

PSA: Not So Funny Fart

2006-03-09T18:19:00.000-05:00

The work week is for the creatively weak. Take that "the man!" Of course "the man" happens to have all the jobs.... but at the end of the day if we all work for "the man" aren't we already trapped in some sort of ass backwards communist state? Well not me. I shall not go a full week without posting! Why?! Because God Damn It I think it is important for all of you to know my latest fart revelation.

It has been posted several time by me how farts are funny because they are a noise that smells. Its the beauty of this logic is its simplicity...Mostly because any stink you make is somehow not as bad to you as it is to others.... And up until this morning I was never aware of a flaw in this logic. But this morning...in the shower I was quite relaxed so I let a little flatulence go... Unfortunately I at the same time let out a large yawn. So there I stood mouth forced agape inhaling my own toot through my mouth. Unpleasantness was abound.

Pogs Are Back

2006-03-03T19:56:00.000-05:00

I didn't know they were ever here but Pogs are back.

Friday's Quote: "The man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way, he becomes immortal."

Tuesday's Quote: "She said that sote:She said that I was a mistake, and that he made her have me, and that she never wanted me."

Wednesday's Quote: "All right! You put a shiv in my partner. You know what that means? Goddammit! All winter long I got to listen to him gripe about his bowling scores. Now I'm gonna bust your ass for those three bags and I'm gonna nail you for picking your feet in Poughkeepsie."

Thursday's Quote: "Say it ain't so, Joe. Say it ain't so."

In The News

2006-03-02T17:36:00.000-05:00

Sooo I am not sure but would Broken Back Mountain PEZ despensers be perverted?

In other news: Two teens are in trouble for dropping a bomb in a Mc Donalds toilet. Little does Ronald know that everytime someone chows down on a Big Mac they usually drop a bomb in the toilet too.

In beer news: Apparently sitting down and having 5 beers is a lot. Well I'm off to the pub to ponder this one.

Today's Movie Quote: "Say it ain't so, Joe. Say it ain't so."

Benny Hoh Enterprises

2006-03-01T15:59:00.000-05:00

In a page out of Kramerica Industries I am investigating the possibility of becoming my own enterprise. With some VC funding I do believe that I shall form a think-tank (shaped not unlike a fishtank) because after all I am an ideas man. I can pontificate with the best of them. Upon the creation of my think-tank I will enlist other lazy but interesting minds to join me where upon we will hire others to do our bidding and or make our ideas into reality.

And in response to yesterday's comments. Yes I spoke to a girl and hooray sex indeed!

Today's Movie Quote: "All right! You put a shiv in my partner. You know what that means? Goddammit! All winter long I got to listen to him gripe about his bowling scores. Now I'm gonna bust your ass for those three bags and I'm gonna nail you for picking your feet in Poughkeepsie."

BennyHohmoirs

2006-02-28T15:42:00.000-05:00

December 11th 2001

Bow down before me....For I am your God.

Last night after wetting my pallet with a few beers with my roomate Marc, we met up with a few of his friends and went to a fine eating establishment for dinner. I believe it was Hooters. After some fine dining and some more beers near the Fleet Center we decided it was a good night for a Britney Spears concert. After wheeling and dealing with some scalpers we got $125 tickets for 35 each. We were in the free beer, office chair, shrimpcocktail, can see Britney in great detail section. It was pretty much the coolest thing that has ever happened to me, and I've had sex before. Britney closed the show wearing next to nothing while taking a shower and wearing a cowboy hat. To be honest.. I'm still a little aroused. To top off the evening we went to the Harp after the show and I talked to a girl.

Yup Life doesn't get any better than that.

The luckiest guy you know. Benny Hoh

Today's Movie Quote: "She said that sote:She said that I was a mistake, and that he made her have me, and that she never wanted me."

Donut Friday

2006-02-27T14:46:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of post on Friday. Butt it was donut Friday and lets just say between working and Krispy Kream, I went down in a glaze of glory.

In list news: Here are the top 10 things Peter Griffen would like to say to America.

And without further adieu

Trivia answers:
Wednesday's Quote: "That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's, a fountain of conversation there, buddy. That's a geyser."

Thursday's Quote: "My name is Federico Aranda, and I will return."

Today's Quote: "The man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way, he becomes immortal."

What Country Is Turkey Most Afraid Of?

2006-02-23T15:43:00.000-05:00

Hungary of course? The gay population in particular I would assume might have a problem after Turkey's dubbing of Broken Back Mountain. Although inappropriate... this is kinda funny.

In ugliest things created by humans news: My daily movements did not make the list. Perhaps I need to re-submit.

Well after bringing up the above two shit storms it is important to note that Colorado was recently poohed on as well.

Today's Move Quote: "My name is Federico Aranda, and I will return."

Poop On This

2006-02-22T15:14:00.000-05:00

Proof once again that PR people are sometimes useful, a colleague of mine and publisher of "Lack of Motivation" provided me with this interesting story regarding alternative uses for dog poop. No longer will its primary purpose be for lighting paper bags full of it on your neighbors doorstep. It will be used as energy. The initiative is taking place in San Francisco so I will keep you all informed about its progress. My immediate concern is a possible smell problem. However, the by-product of a smell problem might finally lead to the emancipation of farts.

In other news: National Pancake day is on February 28th. controversy is of course close by.

Still now word on "The Dog Who Stopped the War"

Today's Move Quote: "That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's, a fountain of conversation there, buddy. That's a geyser."

The Dog Who Stopped The War

2006-02-17T14:23:00.000-05:00

Its Benny Hoh Blog Prize Time. YAAAAAAY! So here is the deal. The first indivdual who can supply me with the first several lines from "The Dog Who Stopped the War" (French or English will do) will recieve one mamajama of a prize.

Monday: "They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And with God as my witness, I am that fool!"

Tuesday: "I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like U.S. blew up Russia and Russia blew up U.S. Fortunately, I had been offworld at the time. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer."

Wednesday: "Come on. Do I look like the mother of the future? I mean, am I tough, organized? I CAN'T EVEN BALANCE MY CHECKBOOK."

Thursday: Tell me something, Billy. How come a cute little guy like this can turn into a thousand ugly monsters?"

Today's Quote:

At Least It's An Ethos

2006-02-16T15:24:00.000-05:00

I'm not really one to critisize any political ethos but how could these damn pinko commi bastards put cheerleaders in the gulags. That just aint right.

In Olympics news: Sooooo there have been studies in the past about athletic performance being dictated about when/where you are master of your domain. Some feel that one performs better after "releasing" some pent up whathaveyous. Others feel that if you obstain you will perform better. Well with the plethera of porn Olympians are picking up this winter it will be interesting to see how many records fall.

Today's Move Quote: "Tell me something, Billy. How come a cute little guy like this can turn into a thousand ugly monsters?"

One Cool City

2006-02-15T19:49:00.000-05:00

Soooo... We may have the best reason yet why San Francisco is one cool ass city. Random pillow fights.

In other news, I have not found any evidence of such but I have been informed that baby kuala's feed from thier mom's butts. Not only are kualas really cute but apparently they are real brown nosers.

In super hero news: Batman will be taking on Osama Bin Laden

Today's Movie Quote: "Come on. Do I look like the mother of the future? I mean, am I tough, organized? I CAN'T EVEN BALANCE MY CHECKBOOK."

Emmmm Marketing

2006-02-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

So here's the theory... if you believe hard enough, the things that you see win commercials will actually come true if you purchase a product they will. That being said I have purchased MicroClean Irish Spring soap fully expecting some hottie to join me in the shower.

In question of the day news.... Do you think Canadians have less sex because it takes so long to take off all those layers of cloths? hmmm

In Beer News: Wouldn't it be cool if it rained beer?

Today's Movie Quote: "I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like U.S. blew up Russia and Russia blew up U.S. Fortunately, I had been offworld at the time. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer."